DeDanaan

Filed by Aine MacDermot

Bunny, Killer The Fluffy : Killer the Fluffy Bunny appears in various places throughout the history of the MultiVerse, wearing a variety of guises, and using an assortment of names, but make no mistake about it, this is the same, seemingly immortal creature every single time.

One reference is to a seemingly innocent, but vicious, killer rabbit in the Earth’s cult classic “Monty Python & the Holy Grail” film…

ARTHUR: What, behind the rabbit?
TIM: It *is* the rabbit.
ARTHUR: You silly sod!
TIM: What?
ARTHUR: You got us all worked up!
TIM: Well, that’s no ordinary rabbit!
ARTHUR: Ohh?
TIM: That’s the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!
ROBIN: You tit! I soiled my armour I was so scared!
TIM: Look, that rabbit’s got a vicious streak a mile wide! It’s a killer!
GALAHAD: Get stuffed!
TIM: He’ll do you up a treat, mate.
GALAHAD: Oh, yeah?
ROBIN: You mangy Scots git!
TIM: I’m warning you!
ROBIN: What’s he do, nibble your bum?
TIM: He’s got huge, sharp– eh– he can leap about– look at the bones!
ARTHUR: Go on, Bors. Chop his head off!
BORS: Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin’ right up!
TIM: Look!
[squeak]
BORS: Aaaugh!
[dramatic chord]
[clunk]
ARTHUR: Jesus Christ!
TIM: I warned you!
ROBIN: I done it again!
TIM: I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew it all, didn’t you? Oh, it’s just a harmless little bunny, isn’t it? Well, it’s always the same. I always tell them–
ARTHUR: Oh, shut up!
TIM: Do they listen to me?
ARTHUR: Right!
TIM: Oh, no…

And it continues from there.

There is also a second reported incident in Earth’s history having to do with the Killer Rabbit, and the then President of the United States, Jimmy Carter. The rabbit incident happened on April 20, 1979, while Carter was taking a few days off in Plains, Georgia. He was fishing from a canoe in a pond when he spotted the fateful rabbit swimming toward him. It was never precisely determined what the rabbit’s problem was. Carter, always trying to look at things from the other guy’s point of view, later speculated that it was fleeing a predator. Whatever the case, it was definitely a troubled rabbit. “It was hissing menacingly, its teeth flashing and nostrils flared and making straight for the president,” a press account said. The Secret Service having been caught flatfooted–I’ll grant you an amphibious rabbit assault is a tough thing to defend against–the President did what he could to protect himself. Initially it was reported that he had hit the rabbit with his paddle. Realizing this would not play well with the Rabbit Lovers Guild, Carter later clarified that he had merely splashed water at the rabbit, which then swam off toward shore. A White House photographer, ever alert to history’s pivotal moments, snapped a picture of the encounter for posterity’s sake. Good thing, too. Carter’s own staff was skeptical when he told the rabbit story back at the White House. Some ventured the opinion that rabbits couldn’t swim, didn’t attack people, and sure weren’t about to take on a sitting president, even if it was Jimmy Carter. Miffed, Jimmy ordered up a print of the aforementioned photo, but this failed to resolve the issue. The picture showed the president with his paddle raised, and there was something in the water, “but you couldn’t tell what it was,” an anonymous staffer was quoted as saying. The average politician would have said, “Goddamit, I’m President of the United States and I say it was a rabbit!” But Carter was not that kind of guy. He ordered a blowup made, establishing at last that his attacker was, well, a bunny, or “swamp rabbit,” to use press secretary Jody Powell’s somewhat fiercer sounding term. OK, not one of the shining moments of Carter’s career, but so far not a major train wreck, inasmuch as nobody outside the White House knew anything about it. Jody Powell took care of that problem the following August when he told the rabbit story to Associated Press reporter Brooks Jackson over a cup of tea. Powell ought to have known that you cannot tell anything to reporters in August because there is nothing else to write about and they will make any fool thing into a front page scandal. Which is exactly what happened. The Washington Post put the bunny story on page one complete with a cartoon takeoff of the famous “Jaws” movie poster entitled “Paws.” The media ran with the story for a week, the worst aspect from Carter’s perspective undoubtedly being the columnists, who basically all said, yeah, it’s just a rabbit, but it shows you the kind of President we’ve got here. The administration refused to release the photos, although I seem to recall that Reagan’s people later found and leaked them. Carter’s subsequent drubbing at the polls was a foregone conclusion, hostage crisis or not. Lesson for life #1: if it moves, kill it. Lesson for life #2: if you can’t kill it, for God’s sake don’t talk about it to the Associated Press.

Aaaaiiiieeee!