Sirius Cybernetics Corporation, The
Monday, May 9, 2005
Filed by Aine MacDermot
Sirius Cybernetics Corporation, The : The Sirius Cybernetics Corporation are the galaxy’s premiere manufacturers of computers, robots, lifts and other such essential, life-enhancing technologies. Most recently, they have fitted the starship Heart Of Gold with their flagship products. The corporation’s ‘Genuine People Personalities’ make interacting with objects such as doors and teas, a new and exciting adventure. Or very irritating, depending on your frame of mind. Doors will always open politely, and it will be their pleasure to serve your entrance and exit needs. Their Happy Vertical People Transporters - or Lifts - are fitted with the most recent precognition software, allowing them to be on the floor you want, before you know you want it! Their Nutrimatic drinks machines very rarely produce drinkable beverages. The corporation’s complaints department now covers all the major land masses of the first three planets in the Sirius Tau star system.
The Encyclopaedia Galactica defines a robot as a mechanical apparatus designed to do the work of a man. The marketing division of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation defines a robot as “Your Plastic Pal Who’s Fun to Be With.” The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy defines the marketing division of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation as “a bunch of mindless jerks who’ll be the first up against the wall when the revolution comes,” with a footnote to the effect that the editors would welcome applications from anyone interested in taking over the post of robotics correspondent. Curiously enough, an edition of the Encyclopaedia Galactica that had the good fortune to fall through a time warp from a thousand years in the future defined the marketing division of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation as “a bunch of mindless jerks who were the first up against the wall when the revolution came.”
